Kids Are Like Ice Cream
Sometimes being a stay at home mom is like eating ice cream that has a little frost bite on it. You really love the ice cream so you keep eating it, but those little pieces find their way onto your spoon every now and again. It doesn’t make you stop eating it, since you love it so, but it does put a sour taste in your mouth every now and again.
And if you don’t like ice cream (*gasp!*), let me explain. As stay at home moms, we love our children. We would do anything for them. But there are days, weeks, even months, that can really beat us down. The kids aren’t sleeping well, they’re sick, you’re sick, they test you to see what you’ll let them get away with. Everyday. Leaving us drained of energy, our minds in a mental fog.
Like with any full time job, there are days were you wish you could just quit. Not indefinitely of course, just for that one day. I definitely had my share of those while working a 9-5. A demanding boss, ungrateful customers, coworkers that were out to make your life miserable, and ledger books that weren’t balancing. And we would go through super busy periods that left me drained at the end of the night. Not so different from being at home actually. Who can be more demanding than a toddler, or more ungrateful than a child who doesn’t like what you’ve made for dinner. Some days, it does seem like it’s our children’s goal to drive us crazy! And then there are always the books (or budget) that don’t seem to want to balance. Especially now in this tougher economic time. Some days are so busy you seem to have no more energy left to give to your husband. Or yourself.
Don’t get me wrong, I truly and passionately believe that God has called me to stay at home with my family. Taking care of my husband, my children, and my home. It’s important for me to support my husband by making sure he has what he needs to get through his day. Teaching and training my son is high on my priority list as well. Not only teaching basic household chores and actual academics, but also teaching him about the Lord we serve. It seems a large undertaking some days but, when all is said and done, I hope to look back on my life and consider this my greatest work.
So what happens when your stuck in a funk? Just going through the motions? You know the feeling. Things get done, dinner gets on the table, the children are clothed, but you’ve lost your passion. You’ve lost your ability to truly enjoy being at home. And while you know the reason you do what you do, you just feel like something is missing, something just isn’t right.
**First and foremost, you need to know that this happens to all women. In every stage of life. I haven’t met a mom yet who hasn’t gone through a rough period. Even the best of moms can have times where they lose their focus! And it’s okay. We have not been called to be perfect. So why is it that we have such a hard time asking for help? Is it that we think our friends and family won’t help us out? Do we really have such little faith in them? I know I would jump at the chance to help another mom doing what needs to be done to give her a break. I also know that I don’t ask for help either. So what’s stopping us? Pride, and only pride. We feel we should be able to do everything under the sun, and look great and be happy while we’re doing it. A sense of guilt creeps in that you aren’t enjoying your family like you should be.
**Spend time with God every day. Just you and you alone. Preferably before your little ones wake up. And why before? There really is no better way to start the day than refreshed and renewed.
**Get up before everyone else. I never understood why my mom always got up early when she didn’t have to. We were homeschooled and had no bus to catch, and rarely did we have to be somewhere early. But every morning, there she was, sipping her cocoa and enjoying the news. I completely understand it now. While I would much rather stay up late and get to sleep in, I get up with my husband at 6:00 every morning to see him off to work. Then I normally have about an hour or so to myself. (sometimes I’m lucky and get two!) This time is pivotal in my keeping my sanity. I’m able to do my devotions, drink a nice hot cup of cocoa or tea, and do something I enjoy. Just try waking up an hour before everyone else for a few weeks. Take a shower while the house is still quiet, spend time reading a book or doing something you love. When your kids wake up and the house is all a bustle, you’ll be ready for it.
**You also need to treat your job like a job, because that is really what homemaking is. Set a schedule for yourself, organize your own life. I tend to focus on my toddlers schedule so much so that I forget about the little things that I need to do. Take a moment to plan out your week. Plan your meals so you never have that “what’s for dinner?” feeling at 4:00. If you really love organizing, plan out different laundry and cleaning days. Sometimes it may feel like over planning, and maybe it is, but a job outside the home has all sorts of schedules and deadlines, why shouldn’t your house? Get your little ones on a schedule, it’ll make their lives easier as well!
**Make sure you are nourishing your body. In order to keep up with all of the physical, mental, and emotional toles of keeping a home, you need to be in tip top condition. Your body will run ragged by the end of the day if all you’re doing is snacking on whatever is in the cupboards just to
keep hunger at bay. This is especially important for pregnant and nursing moms! Your bodies are providing that same fuel to your babies, and they get the nutrients first, while you just get the leftovers. You need to be eating at least 3 meals a day with a couple snacks in between. And these meals need to be as nutrient dense as possible. Keep your diet low in sugar and low in refined flours. Both of these not only effect your blood sugar levels (which effect your energy levels) but they deplete your body of nutrients. It’s to hard to live your life when your body is tired and malnourished. There is even a strong connection between your diet and your mental state, as the chemicals in our brains are directly related to what we consume.
**Try and get some alone time out of the house every once in awhile. This is something that has taken me awhile to learn to ask for. But even grocery shopping without a toddler seems heavenly some days! Once in awhile I’ll go out at night to do my shopping when my husband gets home, and sometimes a friend of mine (bless her heart!) will watch him while I go. Just being able to run errands by myself can be a huge re-energizer! You don’t even have to spend any money. Get together with a friend, go to the library, or just get out of the house for a nice long walk.
**Ask for help. If you need that time away, or need some extra help around the house, ask. Call a friend, call family. Just ask. Swallow that pride and realize that you are not super woman. It doesn’t matter how many kids you have or how much homemaking you do, everyone needs a helping hand.
So how do you keep your life sane in the midst of tantrums and children? How do you stay refreshed?
This post was originally published on Jan. 27, 2009
What a great post! You’ve touched on several things I’ve been thinking about over the past few days.
I have always had a really tough time waking up in the mornings, but I find that when I am able to get up before the baby, even if it’s just enough time to brush my teeth, I feel like I am prepared to meet the day.
I’ve fallen behind on menu planning, but, as with everything, even if I don’t get things done on my to-do list, at least I’m still focused on working on it.
I like praying by myself, but I also think it is important to pray in front of as well as with our son. He seems very happy to see and hear us praying, especially when we are saying the same words at the same time. It makes me feel like a good mommy, and happy that he is already associating happiness with prayer time.
Another thing I find important is exercise. Even if I only have time for a few stretches, that can make a huge difference in how tired I feel at the end of the day.
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Thank you for this post. It has come at the right time
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Thank you for this post, perfect timing! As a mother to 2 young boys, ages 2 1/2 and 9 months, I often feel it a “rut”. I find that when that happens, I have less patience, I’m easily frustrated and I just dont TRY and enjoy my kids as much as I should. Your post has re-energized me and gave me some helpful hints. Getting up before the kids is the best one, if I can have my shower taken and my devotional done by the time the kids get up, my day runs much smoother! Thanks again!
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Thank you! This post was PERFECT and the timing couldn’t have been better. Must have been a God thing.
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what a great way to put into words how I feel sometimes! thank you for this encouraging post.
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Thank you so much for this — it is exactly what I needed to hear! I am not dealing with toddlers anymore, but this is applicable for all ages. Thank you again and God bless you!
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Thank you! It’s like you read my mind. Your words have truly lifted my mommy spirit.
Jayma
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I’m having one of those times now where I just need some time out of the house…it’s times like these when my husband sees my need and takes me on a date.
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Great post! I have to tell you I used to go out one weeknight every week. Guess where I would go? The library! Every Thursday night, after dinner was over about 7:00, I would drive (or walk in the summer) the 1 mile to the library and sit down and read a book. I stayed until 9:00. It was heavenly. Your post has me wondering why I ever stopped it. It did me a world of good.
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Thanks for such an enlightening post… I recently started devoting time to God. I do get up an hour an half early than my kiddo, but mornings are rushed as hubby and myself are working. I have less of patience, get frustrated easily and i stop to enjoy my kid. Praying is helping me stay calm most of the time. Your post has given me a different perspective on various ongoings in my life.
Thank you for this beautiful post
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Thank you for this beautiful post. I followed the link from Biblical Womanhood and I am so glad I did. I have two daughters 4&1 and another child on the way, my husband has been working long hours due to broken fixtures, my children are sick and off their routines, our home is up for sale and I have just felt like quitting ALL week! It's so exhausting sometimes. I was really encouraged by your post and seeing that I am not the only woman out there who occassionally feels this way. Definitely good reminders of some very important guidelines to follow. Anyway, so just wanted to say thanks.
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Thank you all for your sweet comments. This has been laying on my heart lately and I prayed as I wrote it that it might touch just one person.
Thanks again for taking a moment to let me know.
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A friend directed me to your post. Thank you for being a light in the darkness!!
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Thank you for taking the time to write this post. I am a stay at home mom and this is a huge change for me. I have a 6 month old little girl. She is a huge blessing. But I have really struggled with staying at home all the while feeling guilty for feeling that way. I was particulary frustrated today and prayed just a few hours ago that God would send me something, anything, b/c I did not know even what to ask for. That was how frustrated and lost I felt. This article helped me and I believe it was my “something” from God. thank you for the encouragment and helping me to see I’m not alone.
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Thank you, thank you! My baby has been sick. I have been sick. Yup, I’ve been in a rut! Thanks for reminding me that it’s normal – it feels good to be validated! And thanks for the suggestions on how to get OUT of the rut! I appreciated reading this today.
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This is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. Two rambuncious toddler boys and a husband who’s out of town this week are leaving me very ragged. I completely agree with getting up before the kids. Although it is very hard for me to do when I don’t get a full night sleep as it is.
A lot of times in the middle of the day if I’m feeling particularly frustrated, I’ll call my mom or sister. My mom had 7 kids so she’s had it worse than me! My sister’s in a similar boat… it always helps to vent a little
Thanks for this post!
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Very good post and great timing! I am finding myself feeling like I’ve been in a funk lately. Two strong-willed & lively girls can take a lot out of anybody
) Its hard to get up before the girls because my oldest usually wakes up between 5:30 – 6 in the morning, but we just started a new rule where she is not allowed to leave her room till we come to get her. She can go to the bathroom if she needs, but otherwise she stays in her room and can read or play. It helped a lot this morning… we will see how it goes over the next couple weeks.
I wish I had someone I could go to consistently to ask for advise and vent a little
) That’s my prayer… I need a momma friend.
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donielle Reply:
November 24th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
@Marillyn @ just-making-noise, Momma friends are the best! My prayers have finally been answered in that area and I have some great friends I can call on anytime I need ‘em.
And I’m always an e-mail away! Don’t necessarily have advice, but everyone needs a sounding board for venting!!
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Ahhhhh….just what I needed to hear.
And I am SO excited to meet you tomorrow and find out what else we may have in common!
Katie
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