I may forget, but luckily He never does
Lately I’ve been scattered.
Unorganized.
Running in circles.
I’d been cleaning, but my house was never clean. I’d been gardening, but it was always full of weeds. I had no time to workout, no time to blog, no time for myself. And my unrest had also transferred to my young son who started acting out and really pushing boundaries.
You see, I had forgotten how much better my life runs when I don’t run it!
Luckily, the Lord never forgets. And throughout these last few weeks he has brought me some great blog posts, newsletters, and conversations with friends to help me realize that the reason I was feeling such unrest was only because I wasn’t relying on him. I had been trying to run my life.
So last week, I took the week off to spend time with him and reorganize and schedule my life. I woke up at 5am each morning and read my devotions while nursing the baby and spent time in prayer after I put her back down. I forgot about my to do list and opted instead to start my own “Home Keeping” book to better schedule my days. I also spent more time loving my family and trying to forget about what the next day/week/month would bring. We played with friends and leisurely picked cherries. I even *gasp* let our nutrition slide a bit and picked up a few convenience items.
And you know what? I feel better. My head is clearer, and I think my home is functioning better than it has since last summer before I got pregnant. What a great relief it has been for me to have Him take such a heavy load off my shoulders!
It also got me thinking just a little bit, because I always felt this same type of unrest while dealing with infertility and the fact that I wasn’t yet pregnant when I wanted to be. And I didn’t just want to be pregnant then, I had scheduled it into my life. I had written it in on the calendar. Figured out how long I needed to work before I could quit my full time job.
If you don’t believe me, I can show you my date book!
My only goal was to have a baby. I ate for my fertility, I exercised for my fertility, I was intimate with my husband only for my fertility, I prayed only for increased fertility. What happened was I would lose myself. I seemed to lose where I was in life, with everything crumbling at once and I just couldn’t pick up the pieces. And each time the Lord would gently call me back. (Actually, I think one time he had to holler at me. But he’s God, he can do that right?) And once I had given him control again, he’d carefully place in my hands the pieces of my life that I had dropped and broken. Then everything would fit together again. Of course it didn’t meant that I would get pregnant right away, and it didn’t mean that I never cried about it, it just meant that my feelings of unrest went away as he gave me a clear head and a clear heart.
So do you have feelings of unrest about your fertility, your marriage, your job, or even your home? I highly recommend taking time away from everything (even if it’s just a few minutes in the mornings) and spending some time in God’s word letting Him help you figure out what’s really important in life.
Because He has the pieces you’ve dropped.
Journey Through Infertility: A Guest Post
So without further ado here’s her post.
Journeying through years of infertility, we read through every “how to get pregnant” book we could get our hands on. So many anecdotal “tips and tricks” abounded on message boards and in conversation, but would just send us roller-coasting from hope to disappointment each month.
- We both decided to start taking “natural” multivitamins, to fill any potential “gaps” in our nutrition.
- During various seasons, my husband especially focused on taking at least a zinc supplement (and eating foods rich in zinc), and pycenogenol or grapeseed extract (both antioxidants reputed to possibly help sperm health).
- When I noticed my once long- but predictable- cycles becoming irregular and more uncomfortable, I was able to help regulate my cycles with Evening Primrose Oil for the first 2 weeks of my cycle (I did this for about 3 months).
- After spending years as vegetarians, we began adding some naturally/humanely-grown meats to our diet.
- We switched from non-fat dairy products to drinking whole raw milk and eating hormone-free whole-fat dairy products (yogurt, cheeses, etc).
- We eliminated white “all-purpose” flour, white sugar, and corn syrup from our foods, in favor of more whole-grain flours and natural sweeteners (such as raw honey).Note: the sugar cravings during this stage were pretty intense, and showed us how necessary this was for us! We now find that we sweeten things drastically less, as our “taste buds have adjusted.”
- Our previous vegetarian diet had been very high in soy (TVP, tofu, etc.). At one point, as we increased the soy products in our meals in an attempt to save money, we noticed a significant decline in our health. We eventually eliminated soy from our meals, except for an occasional dash of tamari in a stir-fry.
- I began to realize that I had an intolerance for gluten, and discovered celiac. I radically adjusted my diet to eliminate gluten.. (Note: celiac is often a cause of unexplained infertility/miscarriages, and is actually quite prevalent, but under-diagnosed.)
- We made a point to add more seasonal fruits and vegetables to our meals, and discovered a wealth of delicious options at Farmer’s Markets. (Previously, canned or frozen vegetables were our staples.)
- We eliminated canola oil, in favor of “healthy fats” such as coconut oil, and the butter made from raw milk.
- I began following the “Brewer Diet” as a way to help make sure I was actually eating enough nutrients to support a pregnancy.
- Calvin reduced, then basically eliminated, coffee, in favor of more natural herbal teas, and lots of water. (I already was not a coffee-drinker.)
- We added cultured items to our diet (such as kefir and lacto-fermented vegetables).
- We eliminated sources of MSG and other additives/preservatives in our foods, and started using real sea salt and herbs as seasonings.
- I began regular forms of exercise, with walks outdoors a couple mornings a week, along with yoga or pilates one or two evenings a week at home. I pushed our daughter in a stroller for our walks. I didn’t have a need of weight loss, so my yoga/pilates routines focused on a combination of strength, stretching, and relaxation.
- I have noticed that my body has always responded to the concept of “lunaception“. This may not necessarily be a “proven concept”, but I did notice a difference. Plus, our rest was definitely better once we put up some dark curtains!
- Focusing on eliminating a constant state of stress was a significant challenge. I had come from high-stress work environments, to being a stay-at-home mom, and my body took awhile to stop being in an ongoing “adrenaline state!” The relaxation exercises, along with restful baths, occasional naps, and regular prayer times really helped.
- God began to teach me more about relinquishing my fertility to Him, as Lord of my life. Instead of trying to “control” it myself, and being “addicted” to all the fertility message boards and latest fertility publications, I needed to place the control in His hands. In response, I gave up all fertility-related reading (online and print) for a season of Lent. This added such a new peace to our situation- and by the end, I had no desire to go back!
- We were encouraged by reading Mary Pride’s book “All The Way Home,” as she has wonderfully written on healthy marital intimacy and fertility. It provided a much-needed Biblical focus in that season of our lives.
- God began to teach me more about His love for me, as His beautiful creation. Instead of being ashamed or frustrated by my body/infertility, I began to prayerfully embrace His work in my life. This Above Rubies article really encouraged us as we focused our prayers: “Protect Your Womb.”
- I chose to embrace the season God had placed us in, and chose to be content.. I knew that even if God blessed us with more children in the future, I didn’t want to be stuck in the “debilitating” spiritual state of always wanting more. We would love to see God grow our family, but believe that a contentment in His provision is so important in every area of life- not just with fertility. We can embrace His blessings, without allowing our desires to be consuming, and taking His place of headship in our lives.
- In our world full of electronics, we began taking a closer look. The cell phone came out of the front pocket of my husband’s jeans, and was placed in his bag. The laptop computer stayed on the table- not on our laps! We gave away our microwave, and got a $5 toaster oven (both on craigslist).
- We switched from commercial cleaning products, detergents, and cosmetic/hygiene items to more natural choices. Many solutions can be homemade with natural ingredients (such as baking soda, vinegar, and essential oils), along with chemical-free soaps. I got rid of my collection of hairsprays, makeups, etc., in favor of a more natural routine. (Note: we’ve now noticed a high sensitivity to the chemicals/perfumes that we used to use regularly! We now feel “overwhelmed” by smells of commercial laundry detergents, soaps, & perfumes just by walking through store aisles or visiting others homes.)
I wish you blessings in this season of your life!
