Naturally Knocked Up » Matters of the Heart

Two Journeys

donielle — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 10:09:37 +0000

The following is a guest post from Michele of Frugal Granola about her experience as both an adoptive mom and a mom who has now experienced a biological birth as well. Also, please don’t miss one of the posts on her blog this week, written by her husband. He allows us a glimpse into what men may be feeling while on the journey through infertility and loss.

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A surreal blend of lavender-scented candlelight, the hum of the eternal labor-song, the ripple of soothing water droplets, the timeless taste of salt swirls with gentle whispers…

A child- my child- is entering the world. In a blur of moments, I meet my new son.

And yet, in the midst of relinquishing to Strength, the journey of embracing another soul fills my thoughts. Each wave of physical intensity is repeating a journey once walked with agonizing footsteps of my heart.

I gaze upon my little girl witnessing this sacred moment in awe and rejoicing at the birth of her new brother. Her dark curls tousled from running in the summer sun are a sweet reminder of the winter’s eve nearly three years before.

The moment her daddy’s hand mussed her soft baby curls and laid her in my arms for the first time, after years of fervent midnight prayers, exhausting days of waiting, and tears of mingled hope, grief, and surrender; I met the daughter I already loved.

Birth… Adoption… Two different journeys. One love.

Two precious souls, gathered into an embrace, adored by one mama’s heart of gratitude to their Creator.

The same pain. The same joy. The same reflection of The Gift.

Photo Courtesy of sarahgrace photography.

I have a lot of new and exciting things coming up here this fall, so make sure you add my blog's RSS Feed to your reader or you can sign up for free updates by Email. I can also be found on Facebook and Twitter! **

Free: Digital Copy of Angie Smith’s book!

donielle — Wed, 12 May 2010 23:25:47 +0000

Angie Smith, author of the blog Bring the Rain, and wife of Selah artist Todd Smith has written a book about their story of loss and grief called “I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy”.

If you don’t know their story, at 18 weeks gestation, they found out that their little girl would not survive. They decided to carry her to term, she gave birth, and little Audrey lived just 2 hours. Her blog is powerful and moving and while I have not read the book myself (just downloaded it) I would highly recommend you do. Especially those of you who have death with loss.

Barnes and Noble currently has it as a free download, you just have to set up an account, and I’d jump on this quickly as I’m sure it’s a limited time thing!

And please spread the word and pass this on to your friends!

I have a lot of new and exciting things coming up here this fall, so make sure you add my blog's RSS Feed to your reader or you can sign up for free updates by Email. I can also be found on Facebook and Twitter! **

My thoughts for you on Mother’s Day

donielle — Sun, 09 May 2010 18:35:28 +0000

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To the mother’s who have babies in heaven, I say a special prayer for you today. May you feel the peace and comfort of God, knowing that through you he has done a great work. You provided for that little one until the exact moment his/her place in glory was ready. A child remains in your heart forever, no matter how short their time here on earth was. Your reunion shall com in His perfect time. Happy Mother’s Day.

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For the mommas still in waiting, while today is a special struggle for you, I pray that today you feel the awesome comfort that can only be given by our Heavenly Father above. Today is for you as well, as you already carry the heart of a mother. May your sacrifice and longing be acknowledged, may those around you today lift you up. Happy Mother’s Day to you.

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To all of you mama’s who have been blessed with children here on earth. May you always find joy in your role as a mother and may your children become a reflection of you. Have a wonderful Mother’s Day.

I have a lot of new and exciting things coming up here this fall, so make sure you add my blog's RSS Feed to your reader or you can sign up for free updates by Email. I can also be found on Facebook and Twitter! **

Journey Through Infertility

donielle — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 10:00:00 +0000

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, a movement started by Resolve (The National Infertility Association) Their goal is to raise awareness to the issues regarding infertility, which now effects about 1 in 6 couples.

I thought this would be a great time to republish a guest post from Michele of Frugal Granola for two reasons. The first is so that we can shed light on the fact that a holistic approach to infertility can take the place of (or at least supplement) modern medicine. The conventional treatments are not without risk (to both mom and baby) and I feel that more needs to be done to help heal the body as a whole. The second reason is that Michele is now back in the blogging world and will soon be starting a series on encouragement. I can’t wait to read it and hope you will join her as well.

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Journeying through years of infertility, we read through every “how to get pregnant” book we could get our hands on. So many anecdotal “tips and tricks” abounded on message boards and in conversation, but would just send us roller-coasting from hope to disappointment each month.

Doctors diagnosed us with “male factor infertility,” but then when I got pregnant and miscarried a couple times, it was labeled “unexplained infertility.” We continued our dream of pursuing adoption (something we had hoped for whether or not we were blessed with biological children), while still learning about new healthy life choices.

After 2 years with our sweet little girl, and were beginning to consider life as “just the three of us,” we were blessed to find out that I was pregnant again.

When I announced our pregnancy, I received quite a few inquiries regarding any information that may have “helped” us become pregnant. One of the reasons I have hesitated to write such an answer, is that I believe our fertility is ultimately in God’s hands.. Repeatedly throughout the Bible, we see God’s hand putting families together in many different ways- which has often included infertility!

However, pursuing good physical and spiritual health is important in being good stewards of the bodies and resources God has given us, and can help provide a healthy foundation for Him to place a new, growing little life.

This is not necessarily an exhaustive list of our lifestyle changes/choices over the years, but it is more of a quick “overview.” (I know Donielle has elaborated on the reasons for many of these concepts on her blog (or intends to), so feel free to ask questions! I won’t attempt to explain all the hows/whys of everything here.)

SUPPLEMENTS

We both decided to start taking “natural” multivitamins, to fill any potential “gaps” in our nutrition.

During various seasons, my husband especially focused on taking at least a zinc supplement (and eating foods rich in zinc), and pycenogenol or grapeseed extract (both antioxidants reputed to possibly help sperm health).

When I noticed my once long- but predictable- cycles becoming irregular and more uncomfortable, I was able to help regulate my cycles with Evening Primrose Oil for the first 2 weeks of my cycle (I did this for about 3 months).

FOODS

After spending years as vegetarians, we began adding some naturally/humanely-grown meats to our diet.

We switched from non-fat dairy products to drinking whole raw milk and eating hormone-free whole-fat dairy products (yogurt, cheeses, etc).

We eliminated white “all-purpose” flour, white sugar, and corn syrup from our foods, in favor of more whole-grain flours and natural sweeteners (such as raw honey).Note: the sugar cravings during this stage were pretty intense, and showed us how necessary this was for us! We now find that we sweeten things drastically less, as our “taste buds have adjusted.”

Our previous vegetarian diet had been very high in soy (TVP, tofu, etc.). At one point, as we increased the soy products in our meals in an attempt to save money, we noticed a significant decline in our health. We eventually eliminated soy from our meals, except for an occasional dash of tamari in a stir-fry.

I began to realize that I had an intolerance for gluten, and discovered celiac. I radically adjusted my diet to eliminate gluten.. (Note: celiac is often a cause of unexplained infertility/miscarriages, and is actually quite prevalent, but under-diagnosed.)

We made a point to add more seasonal fruits and vegetables to our meals, and discovered a wealth of delicious options at Farmer’s Markets. (Previously, canned or frozen vegetables were our staples.)

We eliminated canola oil, in favor of “healthy fats” such as coconut oil, and the butter made from raw milk.

I began following the “Brewer Diet” as a way to help make sure I was actually eating enough nutrients to support a pregnancy.

Calvin reduced, then basically eliminated, coffee, in favor of more natural herbal teas, and lots of water. (I already was not a coffee-drinker.)

We added cultured items to our diet (such as kefir and lacto-fermented vegetables).

We eliminated sources of MSG and other additives/preservatives in our foods, and started using real sea salt and herbs as seasonings.

EXERCISE/REST

I began regular forms of exercise, with walks outdoors a couple mornings a week, along with yoga or pilates one or two evenings a week at home. I pushed our daughter in a stroller for our walks. I didn’t have a need of weight loss, so my yoga/pilates routines focused on a combination of strength, stretching, and relaxation.

I have noticed that my body has always responded to the concept of “lunaception“. This may not necessarily be a “proven concept”, but I did notice a difference. Plus, our rest was definitely better once we put up some dark curtains!

Focusing on eliminating a constant state of stress was a significant challenge. I had come from high-stress work environments, to being a stay-at-home mom, and my body took awhile to stop being in an ongoing “adrenaline state!” The relaxation exercises, along with restful baths, occasional naps, and regular prayer times really helped.

SPIRITUAL

God began to teach me more about relinquishing my fertility to Him, as Lord of my life. Instead of trying to “control” it myself, and being “addicted” to all the fertility message boards and latest fertility publications, I needed to place the control in His hands. In response, I gave up all fertility-related reading (online and print) for a season of Lent. This added such a new peace to our situation- and by the end, I had no desire to go back!

We were encouraged by reading Mary Pride’s book “All The Way Home,” as she has wonderfully written on healthy marital intimacy and fertility. It provided a much-needed Biblical focus in that season of our lives.

God began to teach me more about His love for me, as His beautiful creation. Instead of being ashamed or frustrated by my body/infertility, I began to prayerfully embrace His work in my life. This Above Rubies article really encouraged us as we focused our prayers: “Protect Your Womb.”

I chose to embrace the season God had placed us in, and chose to be content.. I knew that even if God blessed us with more children in the future, I didn’t want to be stuck in the “debilitating” spiritual state of always wanting more. We would love to see God grow our family, but believe that a contentment in His provision is so important in every area of life- not just with fertility. We can embrace His blessings, without allowing our desires to be consuming, and taking His place of headship in our lives.

LIFESTYLE

In our world full of electronics, we began taking a closer look. The cell phone came out of the front pocket of my husband’s jeans, and was placed in his bag. The laptop computer stayed on the table- not on our laps! We gave away our microwave, and got a $5 toaster oven (both on craigslist).

We switched from commercial cleaning products, detergents, and cosmetic/hygiene items to more natural choices. Many solutions can be homemade with natural ingredients (such as baking soda, vinegar, and essential oils), along with chemical-free soaps. I got rid of my collection of hairsprays, makeups, etc., in favor of a more natural routine. (Note: we’ve now noticed a high sensitivity to the chemicals/perfumes that we used to use regularly! We now feel “overwhelmed” by smells of commercial laundry detergents, soaps, & perfumes just by walking through store aisles or visiting others homes.)

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Thanks again Michele! And for those of you who have taken steps to increase your health in hopes of benefiting your fertility, tell me – what have you done?

I have a lot of new and exciting things coming up here this fall, so make sure you add my blog's RSS Feed to your reader or you can sign up for free updates by Email. I can also be found on Facebook and Twitter! **

Rejoicing Barren

donielle — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 10:51:01 +0000

The following is a guest post from Emily, one of my readers, and I pray it touches your heart like it has mine.

When I first began to suspect that we might not be able to conceive, I was heartbroken. As each month passed with no success, I struggled daily to trust God with our situation. I knew in my head that the Lord’s plans are always best, but I didn’t know how to accept the fact that my biggest dream might never come true. Every day, I begged the Lord to allow me to get pregnant, and every month I hoped that this would be the month. And every month when I found out that I wasn’t pregnant – again – I was absolutely devastated.

I watched as so many of my friends started their families. I hurt as people callously asked why I wasn’t pregnant yet, and I worried that others might assume that I was too selfish or preoccupied with other things to care about having children. I couldn’t talk about it without crying, so I didn’t even tell my family about our struggles for almost a year. When I finally did tell them, they were sweet and supportive. They told me that they were sure that I would get pregnant in God’s time. So I kept waiting. And I kept expecting that this month it would finally happen. But it never did. And I kept praying that God would change my heart in some way, to help me somehow be okay with it all. But I still cried, and hurt, and waited only for my circumstances to change.

After a year and a half of trying, our suspicions were confirmed by a doctor. Aside from drastic medical procedures, or a miracle, we will not be able to have biological children. I thought it couldn’t get any harder, but it did. For about 3 months after that, I waited, and hurt, and struggled on a deeper level than before. And finally, God changed everything for me – not by finally allowing me to get pregnant, but my changing my thinking. It started on Sunday morning while I was sitting in the service, thinking about how I might be pregnant this time, and worrying that I might find out – again – that I wasn’t. My pastor was preaching about contentment. And I was harboring a nasty little attitude – thinking “That doesn’t apply to me because of my circumstances. How could God expect me to be happy and content while he withholds from me the one thing that I want? How am I supposed to just overlook that?” Then my pastor asked us to turn to Galatians, and I happened to look across the page and read the following:

“Rejoice, O childless woman,
you who have never given birth!
Break into a joyful shout,
you who have never been in labor!”

Wow. What could I say to that? Somehow God did still expect me not only to be content, but also to rejoice! And it wasn’t optional. It was a command. And not just a command in this passage, but all throughout the Bible. God repeatedly commands his people to rejoice: Phil 4:4-8, Ps 97, and Joel 2:21 (just to name a few). So I came away wondering how I could daily obey the command to rejoice. And then that afternoon I found out again that I wasn’t pregnant. And so all the pain and frustration and questioning came back. That night as I lay sobbing in bed beside my husband, he sweetly and sternly told me just what I needed to hear – and the Lord used my husband’s words right then to break through the pain and lies in my head, and to show me the truth and give me the freedom to rejoice. He told me that he believed the reason that I was struggling so much is that, while I was saying that I wanted God’s will and that God’s will is best, I was secretly refusing to believe that not getting pregnant could possibly be God’s best for me, and make me the happiest. I persisted in assuming that someday God, because he is good, would have to give me a child, instead of trusting Him with the decision about what was the best thing for me. My husband challenged me to stop expecting to get pregnant: to just give it up. To start planning my life around what it would seem (from our current, human perspective) is God’s plan for us: no pregnancy. No biological children. What then? Something better! Maybe adoption. Maybe a lifetime of ministry to and enjoyment of the family and friends that God has already blessed me with. Maybe something else that I’ve never even imagined. It’s God’s decision, not mine. And could I really decide better than the infinitely wise, loving, and powerful God? Of course not! So that settles it. I will leave the future in God’s hands, and embrace my present role – barren, and rejoicing.

We are currently pursuing natural methods to increase fertility. We are also planning on beginning the adoption process soon. Because of God’s grace at work in me, I am joyfully embracing God’s plan for my life as he unfolds it day by day.

I don’t know if God will give us children, biological or adoptive. He hasn’t promised me that. But look at what he has promised me: a perfect plan for my life. I have a relationship with the Creator and Redeemer of the universe. I have his grace, love, joy, peace, and comfort every day. I can be confident of God’s perfect plan and provision. I have a place of service to him that he created me for, and an eternal home in heaven. And look at what he’s already given me: a loving and godly husband, a place in my church family, parents and siblings that love and support me, a warm home, good food, a couple of fabulous cats, and the joys of working and playing and seeing beauty and hearing truth every day. These outweigh the other things by far. When I compare a childhood dream, false expectation, or a lie, to all of God’s real promises – His truth – I see that perhaps being barren and rejoicing is not really a paradox after all. It’s God’s perfect plan for me.

Thank you Emily for sharing what God placed in your heart.

I have a lot of new and exciting things coming up here this fall, so make sure you add my blog's RSS Feed to your reader or you can sign up for free updates by Email. I can also be found on Facebook and Twitter! **

Guest Post: Sterilizing Life

donielle — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 09:57:04 +0000

The following is a guest post from Kathleen, who blogs and philosophizes about marriage at Project M: Musings on Love, Marriage, and the Madness that Ensues.

I started thinking about sterility when, after ten months of trying, I still wasn’t pregnant.

I’m not just talking about human or sexual sterility here, but all kinds – sterilized foods, sterilized environments. I’m talking about all the various ways that we humans experience or try to stamp out or smother life.

See, I had been on the Pill for the last four years of my life to induce artificial fertility while I finished up school. I had never, during that time, given more than a moment’s thought to sterility or to what I was really doing. I was taking a Pill to suppress life. And I was OK with that.

I had wanted control over my reproductive system. I wanted to avoid the mess of unintended life. That’s what every woman wants who takes the Pill, right? I also wanted to be free to avoid thinking about reproduction. They told me I just had to take a little pill every day and unexpected life was out of the question. I didn’t have to think about it. I thought it was perfect.

After changing my mind and deciding that I did want to participate in life-creation, I found out quickly that my body was not primed for that. I had spent too much time trying to suppress life, and now my body was confused. I found out that it was going to take longer than I had anticipated for my body to change its mind after those four years of deliberate infertility. In fact, my body might never produce life. I don’t know yet.

Like many women in my situation, I began to look into ways of achieving fertility.

The first think I learned about was fertility awareness, or natural family planning, which can help you either avoid and achieve pregnancy. Fertility awareness involves getting to know your cycles. You have to get to know your cervical fluids and your basal body temperature and keep track of it all on paper. You have to pay close attention to your reproductive system. You have to develop a mindset that is completely contrary to the contraceptive way of thinking.

Fertility awareness is messy. Some might say it’s icky. It takes attentiveness and a high esteem for bodily fluids and other yucky things we don’t like to think about. And that’s why most women don’t want to use fertility awareness as a method of birth control: you have to embrace the natural, messy rhythms of life. And we don’t like messiness. We prefer to produce life in a sanitary, sterilized environment, where we can control everything with pills and capsules and antiseptics.

Then I started learning about nutrition from Naturally Knocked Up. I learned all about what I need to promote fertility: things like good bacteria, fermented foods and raw foods. In short, I learned about foods that still had life in them. I learned that in North America we’re over-sterilizing our food, to the point where there’s little nutritional value left.

I learned about eating other icky things, like organs and fat and skin, about sprouting and cultivating and fermenting. I learned about boiling my own bone broth and eating raw egg yolks and all kinds of things that we are told are gross. I learned that real nutrition takes work. It takes attentiveness and a high esteem for the kinds of food we’re taught to turn up our noses at.

And then it started to dawn on me. We’re a culture that is afraid of life and its consequent messiness. We’re scared of yucky things. As a society, we have learned to kill everything we can’t control.

We Westerners learned that some bacteria in food are bad, and so we set out to kill them all. We learned that fertility is hard to control, so we developed ways to stop it entirely. Then we developed ways to bring it back again artificially.

We decided that we wanted to be able to create life in a sterile environment. We thought that it was the safest way to do it. But in the process, we have eliminated all the things that are necessary to life: messy bodily fluids, living foods, nutrients and good bacteria.

I am started to come to the awareness that life breeds life. We can’t surround ourselves with death and expect to bring forth life. We can’t conceive new life in an environment where we’ve killed everything that scares us.

I am trying to embrace this truth. I am trying to embrace life, even the forms that scare me. Maybe in this way my body will be coaxed to participate in creating life. Until then, I want to learn all that I can.

Thanks Kathleen!

I have a lot of new and exciting things coming up here this fall, so make sure you add my blog's RSS Feed to your reader or you can sign up for free updates by Email. I can also be found on Facebook and Twitter! **

I may forget, but luckily He never does

donielle — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 16:04:00 +0000

Lately I’ve been scattered.

Unorganized.

Running in circles.

I’d been cleaning, but my house was never clean. I’d been gardening, but it was always full of weeds. I had no time to workout, no time to blog, no time for myself. And my unrest had also transferred to my young son who started acting out and really pushing boundaries.

You see, I had forgotten how much better my life runs when I don’t run it!

Luckily, the Lord never forgets. And throughout these last few weeks he has brought me some great blog posts, newsletters, and conversations with friends to help me realize that the reason I was feeling such unrest was only because I wasn’t relying on him. I had been trying to run my life.

So last week, I took the week off to spend time with him and reorganize and schedule my life. I woke up at 5am each morning and read my devotions while nursing the baby and spent time in prayer after I put her back down. I forgot about my to do list and opted instead to start my own “Home Keeping” book to better schedule my days. I also spent more time loving my family and trying to forget about what the next day/week/month would bring. We played with friends and leisurely picked cherries. I even *gasp* let our nutrition slide a bit and picked up a few convenience items.

And you know what? I feel better. My head is clearer, and I think my home is functioning better than it has since last summer before I got pregnant. What a great relief it has been for me to have Him take such a heavy load off my shoulders!

It also got me thinking just a little bit, because I always felt this same type of unrest while dealing with infertility and the fact that I wasn’t yet pregnant when I wanted to be. And I didn’t just want to be pregnant then, I had scheduled it into my life. I had written it in on the calendar. Figured out how long I needed to work before I could quit my full time job.

If you don’t believe me, I can show you my date book!

My only goal was to have a baby. I ate for my fertility, I exercised for my fertility, I was intimate with my husband only for my fertility, I prayed only for increased fertility. What happened was I would lose myself. I seemed to lose where I was in life, with everything crumbling at once and I just couldn’t pick up the pieces. And each time the Lord would gently call me back. (Actually, I think one time he had to holler at me. But he’s God, he can do that right?) And once I had given him control again, he’d carefully place in my hands the pieces of my life that I had dropped and broken. Then everything would fit together again. Of course it didn’t meant that I would get pregnant right away, and it didn’t mean that I never cried about it, it just meant that my feelings of unrest went away as he gave me a clear head and a clear heart.

So do you have feelings of unrest about your fertility, your marriage, your job, or even your home? I highly recommend taking time away from everything (even if it’s just a few minutes in the mornings) and spending some time in God’s word letting Him help you figure out what’s really important in life.

Because He has the pieces you’ve dropped.