Kids Are Like Ice Cream

Sometimes being a stay at home mom is like eating ice cream that has a little frost bite on it. You really love the ice cream so you keep eating it, but those little pieces find their way onto your spoon every now and again. It doesn’t make you stop eating it, since you love it so, but it does put a sour taste in your mouth every now and again.

And if you don’t like ice cream (*gasp!*), let me explain. As stay at home moms, we love our children. We would do anything for them. But there are days, weeks, even months, that can really beat us down. The kids aren’t sleeping well, they’re sick, you’re sick, they test you to see what you’ll let them get away with. Everyday. Leaving us drained of energy, our minds in a mental fog.

Like with any full time job, there are days were you wish you could just quit. Not indefinitely of course, just for that one day. I definitely had my share of those while working a 9-5. A demanding boss, ungrateful customers, coworkers that were out to make your life miserable, and ledger books that weren’t balancing. And we would go through super busy periods that left me drained at the end of the night. Not so different from being at home actually. Who can be more demanding than a toddler, or more ungrateful than a child who doesn’t like what you’ve made for dinner. Some days, it does seem like it’s our children’s goal to drive us crazy! And then there are always the books (or budget) that don’t seem to want to balance. Especially now in this tougher economic time. Some days are so busy you seem to have no more energy left to give to your husband. Or yourself.

Don’t get me wrong, I truly and passionately believe that God has called me to stay at home with my family. Taking care of my husband, my children, and my home. It’s important for me to support my husband by making sure he has what he needs to get through his day. Teaching and training my son is high on my priority list as well. Not only teaching basic household chores and actual academics, but also teaching him about the Lord we serve. It seems a large undertaking some days but, when all is said and done, I hope to look back on my life and consider this my greatest work.

So what happens when your stuck in a funk? Just going through the motions? You know the feeling. Things get done, dinner gets on the table, the children are clothed, but you’ve lost your passion. You’ve lost your ability to truly enjoy being at home. And while you know the reason you do what you do, you just feel like something is missing, something just isn’t right.

**First and foremost, you need to know that this happens to all women. In every stage of life. I haven’t met a mom yet who hasn’t gone through a rough period. Even the best of moms can have times where they lose their focus! And it’s okay. We have not been called to be perfect. So why is it that we have such a hard time asking for help? Is it that we think our friends and family won’t help us out? Do we really have such little faith in them? I know I would jump at the chance to help another mom doing what needs to be done to give her a break. I also know that I don’t ask for help either. So what’s stopping us? Pride, and only pride. We feel we should be able to do everything under the sun, and look great and be happy while we’re doing it. A sense of guilt creeps in that you aren’t enjoying your family like you should be.

**Spend time with God every day. Just you and you alone. Preferably before your little ones wake up. And why before? There really is no better way to start the day than refreshed and renewed.

**Get up before everyone else. I never understood why my mom always got up early when she didn’t have to. We were homeschooled and had no bus to catch, and rarely did we have to be somewhere early. But every morning, there she was, sipping her cocoa and enjoying the news. I completely understand it now. While I would much rather stay up late and get to sleep in, I get up with my husband at 6:00 every morning to see him off to work. Then I normally have about an hour or so to myself. (sometimes I’m lucky and get two!) This time is pivotal in my keeping my sanity. I’m able to do my devotions, drink a nice hot cup of cocoa or tea, and do something I enjoy. Just try waking up an hour before everyone else for a few weeks. Take a shower while the house is still quiet, spend time reading a book or doing something you love. When your kids wake up and the house is all a bustle, you’ll be ready for it.

**You also need to treat your job like a job, because that is really what homemaking is. Set a schedule for yourself, organize your own life. I tend to focus on my toddlers schedule so much so that I forget about the little things that I need to do. Take a moment to plan out your week. Plan your meals so you never have that “what’s for dinner?” feeling at 4:00. If you really love organizing, plan out different laundry and cleaning days. Sometimes it may feel like over planning, and maybe it is, but a job outside the home has all sorts of schedules and deadlines, why shouldn’t your house? Get your little ones on a schedule, it’ll make their lives easier as well!

**Make sure you are nourishing your body. In order to keep up with all of the physical, mental, and emotional toles of keeping a home, you need to be in tip top condition. Your body will run ragged by the end of the day if all you’re doing is snacking on whatever is in the cupboards just to keep hunger at bay. This is especially important for pregnant and nursing moms! Your bodies are providing that same fuel to your babies, and they get the nutrients first, while you just get the leftovers. You need to be eating at least 3 meals a day with a couple snacks in between. And these meals need to be as nutrient dense as possible. Keep your diet low in sugar and low in refined flours. Both of these not only effect your blood sugar levels (which effect your energy levels) but they deplete your body of nutrients. It’s to hard to live your life when your body is tired and malnourished. There is even a strong connection between your diet and your mental state, as the chemicals in our brains are directly related to what we consume.

**Try and get some alone time out of the house every once in awhile. This is something that has taken me awhile to learn to ask for. But even grocery shopping without a toddler seems heavenly some days! Once in awhile I’ll go out at night to do my shopping when my husband gets home, and sometimes a friend of mine (bless her heart!) will watch him while I go. Just being able to run errands by myself can be a huge re-energizer! You don’t even have to spend any money. Get together with a friend, go to the library, or just get out of the house for a nice long walk.

**Ask for help. If you need that time away, or need some extra help around the house, ask. Call a friend, call family. Just ask. Swallow that pride and realize that you are not super woman. It doesn’t matter how many kids you have or how much homemaking you do, everyone needs a helping hand.

Unproductive

Yesterday I had a to-do list a mile long! And proceeded to get nothing done. For some reason or another, the boy had a hard time letting go of my legs and whined and whined and whined. You get the point.

I was really looking forward to nap time. A whole 2 hours to accomplish my list.

We read some books and I noticed I was a bit tired too. So after laying him down, I went into my bedroom to fold the mountain of clothes I had piled on top of the bed. Somehow I ended up laying down for ‘just a moment’ and woke up 2 1/2 hours later.

2 1/2 hours! Who sleeps that long during the day? (Other than the mom of a newborn?) Here I thought I was just gonna take a quick cat nap. Ha!

A new year

You know, this really has been crazy year for us…. We had our first full year with a baby (now toddler), and me at home. We did some quick renovations at the old farmhouse to sell it, and did. And we had a super crazy summer and fall as we built our new house and finally moved in, in October. My husband and I really did get a lot accomplished this year.

On a personal level though, I think I finally made a complete transition to being a stay at home mom. Looking back, a lot of the first year since Peanut joined our family, I was just in survival mode. Trying to make it though, just one day at a time. It was definitely harder to make the transition than I thought.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always wanted to stay at home when we had a baby. That part I loved. I never once thought (even on those bad days) ‘Man, I wish I could just go back to work’. No, I knew we were all much happier with me at home than for me to have to work outside the home.

The hard part has been figuring out how to put my talents and knowledge into my work at home. At work, I was sooo organized. There was a place for everything and everything in it’s place. I kept up on all the latest changes and policies, I had to make sure people got things done as it affected my work. We had been learning 2 new computer systems the year before I left, which was constant mental stimulation, always something new everyday. I had a calendar full of to do’s, and meetings. My planner was always out. And because it was out, I had my personal life in order too. Throughout the day I would jot down anything that came to mind, like what groceries I needed to buy, or things I had to do. By Friday, I had a to do list that literally took me all of Saturday to accomplish, but those things got done: they were written down.

At home, with the same planner tucked so neatly away in my purse everyday, I tended to fly by the seat of my pants a bit more. I’d forget my coupons and grocery list on the table. I’d forget to take out the garbage on more than a few occasions. Let’s just say, I’d forget my head sometimes, if it wasn’t attached! I wrote things down all the time, but my to do list just got crammed in any available drawer so as not to be grabbed by pudgy little hands. My days have to be the same everyday so as not to throw Peanut into a frenzy cause he’s off schedule, so my days can be a lot of the same.

So, sitting here and reminiscing over how the past year has gone, it really got me thinking about what I want to accomplish in 2008. Of course there are things that are way out of my control, you know…like God’s will and all but I can change how I schedule my day to day life.

My goals:

For myself:

1. To continue with my devotions at least 3 times per week.
2. To try and learn something new each week so that I have something to talk about other than baby poo.
3. To spend less time on the computer.
4. To read more often

For our budget:

1. To make our food from scratch more often
2. To drive less ($3.00 a gallon is killing me!)
3. Research sales and coupons more

For my husband:

1. I will not be in yoga pants when he comes home (like I do yoga! ha!)
2. To have something to talk about other than baby poo
3. To zip my lip more
4. Curb my bossiness (hey-I’m the oldest, this is an issue for me!) (and now here is where everyone I know says ‘Mmm,hmm.’ – I know you all did!)

For my son:

1. To take time out of everyday, no matter how busy, to really pay attention and just get down and play and read for at least 20 minutes (uninterrupted)
2. To let him just ‘be a boy’ no matter how much I would rather just sit down and have everything quiet.
3. To spend very, very little time on the computer while he’s awake.

For our home:

1. Be more organized!!
2. Finish the last few small projects that need to be done
3. Decorate on a budget, to make our house feel comfortable

For our health:

1. Again – the whole make things from scratch more often.
2. To always have some sort of fruits and veggies in the house
3. Plant a garden and preserve for the next winter
4. To continue to choose more organic and natural foods