I may forget, but luckily He never does

Lately I’ve been scattered.

Unorganized.

Running in circles.

I’d been cleaning, but my house was never clean. I’d been gardening, but it was always full of weeds. I had no time to workout, no time to blog, no time for myself. And my unrest had also transferred to my young son who started acting out and really pushing boundaries.

You see, I had forgotten how much better my life runs when I don’t run it!

Luckily, the Lord never forgets. And throughout these last few weeks he has brought me some great blog posts, newsletters, and conversations with friends to help me realize that the reason I was feeling such unrest was only because I wasn’t relying on him. I had been trying to run my life.

So last week, I took the week off to spend time with him and reorganize and schedule my life. I woke up at 5am each morning and read my devotions while nursing the baby and spent time in prayer after I put her back down. I forgot about my to do list and opted instead to start my own “Home Keeping” book to better schedule my days. I also spent more time loving my family and trying to forget about what the next day/week/month would bring. We played with friends and leisurely picked cherries. I even *gasp* let our nutrition slide a bit and picked up a few convenience items.

And you know what? I feel better. My head is clearer, and I think my home is functioning better than it has since last summer before I got pregnant. What a great relief it has been for me to have Him take such a heavy load off my shoulders!

It also got me thinking just a little bit, because I always felt this same type of unrest while dealing with infertility and the fact that I wasn’t yet pregnant when I wanted to be. And I didn’t just want to be pregnant then, I had scheduled it into my life. I had written it in on the calendar. Figured out how long I needed to work before I could quit my full time job.

If you don’t believe me, I can show you my date book!

My only goal was to have a baby. I ate for my fertility, I exercised for my fertility, I was intimate with my husband only for my fertility, I prayed only for increased fertility. What happened was I would lose myself. I seemed to lose where I was in life, with everything crumbling at once and I just couldn’t pick up the pieces. And each time the Lord would gently call me back. (Actually, I think one time he had to holler at me. But he’s God, he can do that right?) And once I had given him control again, he’d carefully place in my hands the pieces of my life that I had dropped and broken. Then everything would fit together again. Of course it didn’t mean that I would get pregnant right away, and it didn’t mean that I never cried about it, it just meant that my feelings of unrest went away as he gave me a clear head and a clear heart.

So do you have feelings of unrest about your fertility, your marriage, your job, or even your home? I highly recommend taking time away from everything (even if it’s just a few minutes in the mornings) and spending some time in God’s word letting Him help you figure out what’s really important in life.

Because He has the pieces you’ve dropped.

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About Donielle

Donielle is an amateur herbalist and natural momma to two littles (with another babe in heaven) after dealing with being less than fertile. She has a passion for nourishing nutrition, natural living, and spreading the word on how food truly affects our health.

Comments

  1. VanderbiltWife says:

    Very beautiful, Donielle. And so truthful.

    I'm very much in a time of waiting. And I've found that my options are either: 1. obsess about when we will sell our house and worry over everything continuously or 2. enjoy my baby daughter, live life, and let things be in God's hands, where they are already!

  2. noelcordle says:

    This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear right now (or really every day for that matter!). Thank you so much for posting this :)

  3. Thank you for this! I am having such a hard time right now and I have been feeling like life is so out of control. Our fertility issues have overshadowed everything else and it is eating us up. Thank you for reminding me of the one way out of this hole.

  4. Amy @ Finer Things says:

    This cannot be a coincidence. Of all the posts for me to stumble for you… I really NEEDED to read this one. Thank you!

  5. Donielle, I feel like this post was written just for me. You expressed so well those feelings of unrest and utter-disorder I have felt so many times!
    A lot of peace comes when we realize that after all we can do, we turn to the Lord and accept His will (whether it be what we hoped for or some other way.)
    Thank you for sharing this! You reminded me that my life is so much better when I turn it over to Him.

  6. Stephanie @ Keeper of the Home says:

    I really relate to how you felt that unrest while struggling with infertility. I also let it become all-consuming at one point, to the degree that it got in the way of my relationships, how I cared for my home, and definitely my relationship with God.

    In fact, the very best thing I did during that season of infertility was just drop it all. The supplements, the charting, the carefully timed love making, the infertility online forum I was a part of.

    In place of those things, I spent more time with my daughter and husband. I focused on making my home a home again. I did some things that were restful and just plain enjoyable. And I spent much more time with God, in both the Word and in prayer, and also reading books that directed my heart back to trust in Him and His plans, and not my own. It was such a good season for me, and He definitely brought rest.

    Thanks for sharing so openly, hon! I think it is so important that we talk about these things and don't just leave them unsaid. :)

  7. Carolina Mama... says:

    Thank you so much for this precious reminder!! When everything seem to be unraveling around us, or things just aren't going the way we planned, GOD is still totally in control!! It is up to us to REST in Him!! What a difference it makes!:-)

  8. Jessica O'Keefe says:

    Thank you so much for posting this – it is exactly what I needed to hear!

    Blessings,
    Jessica

  9. Oh so true, oh my life, just talking about this this morning with my husband and he said, you have to learn to let go, learn to let the laundry pile and the dishes, take time for yourself. He actually made me take my new camera out the other day and do some pictures, and I felt guilty, felt guilty for time on myself.

  10. This was beautiful! (and I love the new look of the blog! Great!!) It was just what I needed too…with just having a tubal pregnancy end only two weeks ago, here I am tonight already looking up online what cervical mucus looks like after a miscarriage so I can know when I am fertile! LOL!! It’s actually funny, isn’t it!
    This was a perfect reminder that God has His perfect plan, just as I know that God had our baby’s days numbered and he lived exactly as long as God had planned for him, so too, God has a plan for my future fertility…even if that means no more babies.
    It is so good to have a God who is faithful and we can trust and rest upon.
    He is so good. He has always been faithful. I can trust Him again.
    Thanks again.

  11. i know EXACTLY how you feel. i am consumed with getting pregnant. i eat and drink for fertility. i have been feeling off balance lately because i research infertility much more than i research God’s word.
    thanks for sharing! <3

  12. I love this article. I needed that reminder; He doesn’t forget. I am glad I have found your website, it is really great!
    Thanks!