My name is Heather and this is my story of hope and healing.
My husband and I are 2 1/2 years into the throws of infertility. I have a history of hormone imbalance that was shrugged off by doctors for most of my life. I was put on birth control to keep my symptoms manageable and was told not to worry about my hormones until I was ready to get pregnant.
My husband and I were both in our early 30′s when we got married and didn’t want to wait more than a year before trying to become pregnant. By this point, I had taken birth control for 15 years and knew it would take my body some time to readjust. I already ate a fairly healthy diet, but was thankful for the additional resources I found through the NKU blog. Even though I was seemingly healthy on the outside, my hormones remained a mess, and so we began our journey with infertility doctors and treatments.
These past two years have been an emotional roller coaster filled with invasive tests that were often painful, awful hormone altering drugs and many doctor’s appointments and opinions. On February 13 of this year, my husband and I learned that I am missing 1/3 of my uterus and my left fallopian tube. We were given the options of IUI or IVF along with more hormone treatments. After several weeks of prayer, we decided that those options are not for us and we have called it quits with infertility treatments.
In that decision I felt complete peace AND a great loss of hope. It was very hard to lay down my plans and grab hold of God’s. Don’t get me wrong, I often go back over to my plans and try to pick them up again because they seem so much better. But God in his grace reminds me that he is good and that he can’t fulfill his plans for my life if I refuse to let go of my own agenda.
This journey has been the hardest thing I have ever endured. I have cried until my eyes were so swollen that I could barely see. I have been angry and asked God why over and over again. I have compared myself to other women who seem to have all of their plans neatly fall into place. But slowly, God is healing my heart and my hope is returning. I don’t know if a baby is in our future, but I hope because I know that God has not forgotten me and he is writing a beautiful story for my life.
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