Your Life is Precious

Vintage Flower

photo credit: the_colmans

 

written by Karen Gory, April 17 2011 {a sister in Christ that I know only by virtual means, but who has allowed me to share this beautifully written piece.}

Infertility is a silent disease. You can’t look at us and see at a glance that we’re any different from our neighbors. But we are.

We are the women who cannot have children. There are far more of us than you might think. One out of six couples will deal with infertility. For every unplanned pregnancy in the world, there is another woman who will not be able to conceive without expensive medical assistance, if at all. There are women who have always known about their health issues; there are women who never even imagined it could be them; there are women who were able to bear one child, but never became pregnant again; there are women who have had 10, 12, 20 miscarriages in a row; women who have drained their bank balances in pursuit of advanced medical treatments, and women who have never conceived at all.

Infertility isn’t just a women’s problem – 30% of infertility is male-factor, and another 30% of couples have a joint issue, so it’s split evenly down the middle. But it’s the woman who will have an empty womb for the rest of her life, who will never know what breast-feeding feels like, who will never have a dramatic birth story to share in the coffee circle when the conversation inevitably comes around to what it was like ‘for you’. What it’s really like for us isn’t something that’s easy to talk about past the initial ‘we can’t have children’. It’s one of the great conversation-stoppers of the world, about on a par with ‘I have cancer’ or ‘my mother was an axe-murderer’.

So what does it really mean?

It is a grief that strikes when you least expect it. For some, it’s a monthly punch in the gut. For others of us, it’s just a hidden emptiness, a wound long healed over until something pries the scab off and brings it back again anew. It means never holding a new life in your arms and knowing it will grow up with your eyes. It means never eagerly shopping eagerly for a layette….. or if you already did, then it means the anguish of an empty room and a closed door, and the final grief of packing it all away and giving it to someone who will actually be able to use it. It means putting down your book or turning off the movie five minutes before the end, because Hollywood’s idea of a happy ever after ALWAYS includes 2.5 children and a dog. It means that baby showers and Mother’s Day celebrations will forever be for other people and not for you. And sometimes you won’t be able to face another room (or church) full of happy smiling people for a million dollars.

But as great a grief as it is to know that we are infertile, it is not the end of the world. The number of children you have (or don’t have) is not a measure of how much you matter. Sure it hurts. Sometimes it hurts so much I want to hide under the covers and never come out again. Sometimes I want to yell at the top of my lungs that it’s NOT FAIR!!!! Wouldn’t my husband be a good father? Wouldn’t I be a good mother? Don’t we have all the love in the world to give a child? Sure we do… but it’s not going to make a difference to the outcome for us. And being angry and bitter about it won’t change anything, or make my life any better. It’ll just keep me from seeing the blessings that God has bestowed on me.

Life is precious. ALL life. Whether you have no children or sixteen makes no difference in the long run. You are just as precious and valuable to God as the next person. God doesn’t want us to spend our lives in misery. We are doing it to ourselves. The longer you hang onto the old griefs, the worse they become. Let them go… let your tears wash away the anger and the pain and the guilt and the fear for good… feel God’s loving arms around you. He loves you just the way you are. You are perfect in His sight.

We are all on a journey together. And there is something that He wants to use you for just the way you are……

 

 

[April is Infertility Awareness month. You may have seen one of the cutesy messages floating around on Facebook, implying that infertility is a temporary condition, and that we will all get our happy-ever-after if we wait patiently for long enough, either though IVF or adoption or a miracle of God. The facts aren’t anything like that, but Facebook messages rarely traffic in fact. This one does. If this message feels true to you, I’d ask you to share it around. This paragraph places the rest of this essay into the public domain and gives you permission to reproduce or reprint it to help spread the word about infertility. You can leave this paragraph off your reproduction, just make sure to give me credit somewhere ~ Karen Gory, April 17 2011]

Check out this month\'s sponsor, Natural Fertility Shop. They are 100% focused on helping you during your journey towards parenthood and have expert staff and knowledgeable customer service here to help you every step of the way.

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About Donielle

Donielle is an amateur herbalist and natural momma to two littles (with another babe in heaven) after dealing with being less than fertile. She has a passion for nourishing nutrition, natural living, and spreading the word on how food truly affects our health.

Comments

  1. How poignant. I suffer from infertility, but was blessed by the Lord through the adoption of my son almost 5 years ago. However, my womb still remains empty and my sister’s unexpected pregnancy has opened a wound that I thought healed. Thanks for this post.

  2. Beautifully written: So many of us forget that we are still precious, whether we have children or not. Thank you for posting.

  3. This is a beautiful post. After my miscarriage, I realized that fertility issues really do mean silent suffering. But I still have hope and my heart goes out to all women living with infertility.

  4. This was a beautiful post! As someone who has been fighting infertility for almost 4 years and suffered through 1 miscarriage it’s sometimes hard to remember all the good thing I have in life. This post is a great reminder that I’m not alone. Thank you!